Friday, June 19, 2015

On the bright side, I am not addicted to cocaine.

You know you have a food addiction when you're stealing other people's chips and devouring them at 10:30 in the morning.

It's true that I'm a stress-eater. In the six months since my mom died, I've gained an obscene amount of weight.

To say that I feel disgusting is an understatement. And yet it's felt near-impossible for me to change my habits in the last year.

The programs that used to work for me just aren't anymore. Not because they're flawed, but because I am.

Even when I prepare a healthy meal, I still overeat. So I've decided to take the Fresh Fit Foods 21 Day Challenge, in which all my meals and snacks for 21 days are prepared and perfectly portioned just for me.

I've just completed my third day, and so far I'm down 5.6 lbs., which I can easily gain back in one big meal. But, for now, I'm pleased.

The real test will be once I've completed the 21 days. Will I be able to replicate these fresh and healthy meals and portion sizes so that I can live a healthier life?

That will be the ultimate challenge, and it will hopefully lead to a new addiction.

Thursday, June 18, 2015

Bad mommy

Late last month we traveled to the Kootenay region of British Columbia for my niece's wedding, which was held in the tiny, picturesque, little village of New Denver.

With it's wee population of 504 residents and its remote location -- we had to cross a body of water via ferry and drive through winding mountain roads -- it was a challenge finding adequate accommodations for our family.

Most of my relatives booked early and snagged all the local motel space so that there was no room at the inns for us, but this turned out to be a blessing in disguise.

We just rented our own private lakeside cottage instead.

Searching for skipping rocks among the driftwood at the beach, mere steps from our cottage on Slocan Lake.

Our cottage was such a hit that we constantly had family members stopping by to escape the confines of their motel visit us.

On one such morning, I had gone back to bed for a quick nap after having gotten up early with the kids. When I awoke, I found my husband and kids entertaining my cousin, her husband, and one of their sons.

My husband had done a grocery run, which is where they were as well, so he invited them over.

After a short visit, my husband offered to drive them back to their motel since it was now raining.

Upon their exit, I noticed a grocery bag on our coffee table containing the following: two apples, two oranges, and a family-sized bag of salt-n-vinegar chips.

It was maybe 10:30 in the morning, and of course I choose to open the bag of chips while sitting down to read my book.

Not 30 seconds later, my cousin's husband ran back into our cottage and apologized because he forgot their grocery bag on the table.

Oh hell. Busted. Caught literally with my hand in the bag.

I tried to give him back their bag of chips, but he laughed and told me to keep them. And in a flash, he was gone with their produce, leaving me still standing there and licking the salt from my fingertips.

It was during moments like this that I know I would have been less embarrassed had I just taken one of the fruits instead. But of course I didn't.

Since the damage was already done, I justified it by telling myself that we would go out and buy them another bag that afternoon. And so I sat down with my book and kept eating.

Moments later, my daughter entered the room, tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Mama, I'm sad."

More bouts of crying while I hugged her.

"What happened? Why are you sad?"

"I'm sad because you took the food that was theirs. You STOLE from them!"

Cue even more hysterical crying.

I explained to her -- and to my husband, who had now returned -- that I made a mistake, and I thought the food was ours. I consoled her by reassuring that our cousin let us keep the chips, and we would just buy him a replacement bag.

She seemed okay with that, but my husband wasn't.

"You've brought shame to this family. I'm horrified."

At this point, I found the situation laughable, and I knew my cousins would, too. But my husband and daughter were still less than impressed.

"Mama, I'm horrified."

The child is a parrot. And still not allowing me to live down this moment.