Monday, May 4, 2015

Drowning

I feel as though I'm drowning.

It's almost midnight, there are a million other things I should be doing right now besides blogging, and yet I just need this escape.

At first glance, the idea of having a year off work to care for your newborn baby sounds like a relaxing endeavor ...... but as one of my favourite sayings goes, "The days are long, but the years are short."

And so here we are, mere weeks before I'm expected to return to my day job, yet feeling as though my son has gotten the short end of the stick in terms of parental care this year.

And, quite frankly, I feel as though I need another year off work myself just to tie up all the loose ends and recover from the hell our family has been through in the last 12 months.

Just to recap, the first half of my maternity leave was spent caring for my dying mother, and now the second half has been spent caring for her estate. Between lawyer visits, mortgage negotiations, and interviewing property management companies, I've barely had any time to actually empty and clean my mom's home.

And, oh yeah, I also have that baby to pay attention to from time to time.

My mom has been gone for nearly five months, the lawyer fees long ago surpassed the five-grand mark, and my employer rejected my proposal of returning to work on a part-time basis for the remainder of this year.

Either I go back to work full-time in June, or I don't go back to work.

And given those lawyer fees and mortgage payments -- among other things -- it looks as though I'm definitely going back to work full-time in a few weeks.

It wouldn't be so bad if I had just finished up everything at my mom's, but that's way behind schedule. Her house and yard and garage are in a state of transition (read: chaos and in need of repair).

Plus, my own house is also in complete shambles, with stacks upon stacks of boxes piled in every room, in every hallway, and in the garage.

We consider it a small accomplishment when we're able to actually fit both vehicles in there these days.

And it also would have been beneficial had my childcare options not fallen through on me for the summer, thus leaving me scrabbling to find adequate care for my son at the last minute.

(Did I mention that I have to go back to work in just a few weeks?? And I have NO CHILDCARE.  I wonder how well it will go over when I just bring the kid in with me on that first day.)

On top of all this, I also have a deadline coming up in which three articles are due next week. Three articles of which I have yet to research or contact the involved subjects.

And then there's our taxes! I file all the taxes (Canadian and American) for our household and a couple of other households, and it looks like the final three remaining sets are going to be a little late this year. (Frankly, it was a small miracle that I even finished the first five sets on time.)

I know it's unbecoming of me to rant like this, but sometimes a girl needs to vent. Even though my time is better spent doing any of the above outstanding tasks required of me, I just needed an outlet in which to express my frustration.

They say that God never piles more on your shoulders than what you can handle -- and so of course things can always get worse -- but this girl's had it.

I need help. And, most of all, I need more time.








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