Friday, October 11, 2013

Friday's Top Five - Myths Debunked

You know when you believe something to be the absolute truth, but then someone pulls up some facts for you and sets the record straight?

Yeah, that's happened to me on more than one occasion, and it's incredibly humbling. Or hilarious, depending on your perspective.

Friday's Top Five - Myths Debunked:

5) The ear canal leads to your stomach

When I was maybe five or six years old, my older sister and I were eating sunflower seeds while watching Magnum P.I. or Simon and Simon or some other 80's TV show equivalent. I got up to get a drink and -- for some reason known only to a five-year-old -- I placed a sunflower seed in my sister's ear as I walked away and gave her the instruction not to touch it.

I came back a minute later and, of course, the sunflower seed was gone. She told me it fell down her ear and was now in her stomach where it would probably grow into a sunflower plant.

I was horrified and couldn't stop staring at her ear.

How did it fit down there? How did it feel to have a plant growing in her stomach? And how was it that she could act so nonchalant about the whole thing?

I told all my friends and teachers about this the next day at school and continued to share this story every year thereafter until about 7th grade when it finally dawned on me out of the blue that, maybe, just maybe, the seed never made it down her ear after all.

Maybe she took the darn thing out herself when I wasn't looking!

I was officially mind blown by this revelation. And also extremely grateful that I figured it out on my own before reaching university.

Just goes to show that kids will believe anything, ANYTHING, you tell them. Which means I should probably stop telling my daughter that her tongue will fall out if she continues to stick it out at me.

4) Weight loss / maintenance is the same in all people

I had a friend in university who always brought these big, elaborate lunches to school and often had a chocolate bar for dessert each day, yet she barely weighed 100 lbs. A reasonable person would look at her and declare that, if I began eating exactly like her, then I, too, would weigh as little as she did. I mean, she must have been doing something right, right?

Well, not exactly. The truth is, if I ate like she did, I'd probably weigh more than I do now.

This girl was incredibly active and fit, had a high metabolism, and was blessed with some incredible super-human genes.

I, on the other hand, have no metabolism at all. Of this I'm convinced.

So, while it's not fair that she's half my size and can eat whatever she wants, that's just the way it is. Much to my chagrin.

3) WWE wrestling is real

I still remember when I first became enamored with wrestling as a kid in the 80s. Back in those days, it was still referred to as the World Wrestling Federation, and I always looked forward to their Saturday Night Main Events on NBC.

Even back then it was like a soap opera for adults, except that I was a little kid who believed it all to be real.

Would the Hulkster be able to overcome evil in his match against Andre the Giant? Would Macho Man Randy Savage succeed in rescuing Miss Elizabeth from Ravishing Rick Rude's clutches? And how did that referee not notice that Bam Bam Bigelow was totally just cheating there?

I can't even tell you how disheartened I was to learn wrestling wasn't real. It was like finding out about Santa all over again.

I so badly wanted to believe all those athletes were who they said they were and not just a bunch of bulked-up wannabe actors.

But what's even more shocking than the fact I believed all these storylines to be true is that Hulk Hogan is the only person of all those listed above who is still alive.

2) Exhausting your child guarantees she'll sleep better

For most of the summer, my husband took our daughter to half a dozen parks each week in an effort to tire her out. And, when that wasn't possible, he instead conducted what he calls The Nuggett Olympics, which is a timed event consisting of a series of obstacles in our home. Like the park, it's designed to wear her down in the evenings.

Now that my husband is teaching two nights a week, I'm on my own in terms of exhausting our daughter and then putting her to bed on those nights. So one evening in September, when it was still warm enough and light enough to be outside after work, my daughter and I went for a walk around Laurier Park.

We walked to the swing set and slide and played there for a bit before stalking investigating the largest Pileated woodpecker I've ever seen. Then we ran through a large field, counted all the picnic tables, and walked off the beaten path to get to the river.

While there, we picked rocks, splashed some water, and waved at rowers that moved swiftly passed us in the water. Then we turned around, walked back up the hill, and retraced our steps back to the car.

On the way back, my daughter stopped walking and just knelt down in the grass for a while, declaring that she was too tired to go on.

Yes, I thought to myself. This was a good sign that she would just collapse when we got home and go straight to bed. And, in theory, that's what should have happened, too. But, of course, it didn't.

Instead, we got home, performed the bedtime routine, and then got into bed..... but that's not where my daughter stayed.

Rather than falling fast asleep from exhaustion, my daughter proceeded to execute every stalling tactic known to man in an attempt to stay awake and keep me from falling asleep, too.

This went on for two hours, yo. TWO FREAKIN' HOURS.

I still don't really know what I did wrong. More often than not, working a child to the point of sheer exhaustion should do the trick.... but not always.

Turns out there are just no guarantees when it comes to three-year-olds, no matter how badly I want things to work out as predicted.

1) Mean girls learn their lesson and grow up to be nice adults

I was pretty lucky back in grade school in that I mostly managed to go unnoticed and stay out of harm's way from the plethora of bullies that lined the halls of my junior high school.

(Read: I was kind of like the token quiet castaway on Survivor who manages to fly under the radar for most of the game and then somehow make it to the end without having actually done anything. Yeah, that's how I like to roll.)

But, like I said, there was no shortage of bullies or Mean Girls back then, and I vividly remember thinking to myself that one day they'd grow up and realize what jerks they were, and they'd be forever remorseful for this and vow to teach their children to behave differently.

Turns out, I was completely wrong in this regard. Bullies don't grow up to be nice.... they just grow up to be adult bullies.

I know it's completely unfair for me to paint everyone with the same brush, as I'm sure it's possible for some people to actually grow up and mature into thoughtful, responsible adults.... but, frankly, 9 out of the 10 people I've encountered are exactly the same as they were back then.

And what incentive is there for them to change, anyway? Being a Mean Girl is part of what got them everything they wanted, so why alter that behaviour now?

I read this blog post last month, and it really struck a chord in me. The author is absolutely right in that, not only do Mean Girls not change their spots, but they also teach this behaviour to their children.

The thought of my daughter having to endure the wrath of their offspring is enough to make me want to keep her living in a safe, happy bubble forever. That's right. FOREVER.

But I guess that's just the quiet, reserved junior high girl in me coming out. Guess I didn't change my spots either.

That's my list for this week. As per usual, check out my friends' blogs for their take on the same subjects: Divulge with Dani, The Brooding Woman, and A Piece of Apple.

1 comment:

  1. I hear you about Wrestling. When I found out it wasn't real, a part of me died.

    As for the exhausting thing, I think there is a line between making someone tired, and over-tiring them. I know when I am over-tired, I can't fall asleep as much. It's odd. Maybe too much brain stimulation?

    And you saw the little debate that broke out on my FB wall over my "Comrie" post. Bonnie argued it best. It's complete crap to think they will change. It's even bigger crap to suggest I need to forgive them.